Sorry Star Jones, You're Off "The View".... But You Got a Consolation.... A Milton!

Poor Star Jones.... This week , it was announced that she wouldn't be returning to( Translation - FIRED!) ABC's 11:00 AM YentaFest, "The View". Her departure, along with Meredith Viera's move to the "Today" show, leaves only Baba Wawa and Joy Behar from the original lineup. To put it in terms normal people might understand..... The Yankees just traded Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera.

Star Jones used to be a well respected person. The former District Attorney was a staple of the OJ Simpson Trial panel. Then she got on this lame "Coffee Talk" ripoff, and next thing you know, she's doing Payless commercials, and it was all downhill from there. Word is she wasn't getting along with Rosie O'Donnell ( who does?)...No surprise it happened though. If anyone had a doubt, it's clear now..... This is Baba Wawa's show, baby!!

Let's take a tally of the death toll... Debbie Matenopoulos was banished becuse she was too stupid (Remember the SNL skits where she was kept in a dog pen?). Then Lisa Ling was happily let go because she was too smart. Like the Three Little Bears, I guess Elisabeth Hasselbeck is just right, but she better stop that "I'm a Republican" stuff, or she's gonna pay!!

Thanks to us, Star will not leave empty-handed. We have a lovely Red Swingline stapler on the way to the studio as we speak... So what happens to the View Crew now?? The same as any group of people that have success together, but think they are the reason the success occurs. Star will get her own talk show - and Bomb! Meredith will show NBC that Katie Couric is the only Katie Couric around, and The View will hire Leslie Uggams or Cicely Tyson to replace Star, and they'll chat about Osteoporosis or their grandkids for a month - until they're cancelled....

"You Cannot Stop Milton, you Can Only Hope to Contain Him"

Sen. Leatherman Finds $7 Million for Performing Arts Center, Tucked Behind His Ears !

Today, Sen. Hugh Leatherman ( aka , Sir Spend A-Lot ) announced that he has procured $7 Million in state funding for Florence's proposed Performing Arts Center. The performing arts center is considered a lynchpin item of Florence's Downtown redevelopment.

It is nice to see that Florence got a nibble of that 10-15% spending increase in the State budget this year. Then again, I suppose groundbreakings like this are popping up all over the state after this year's spendfest - except in Lexington, of course!!

Downtown Florence really is in pretty poor shape - most residents wouldn't be caught dead on Dargan and Evans after dark. One element is missing from the assistance - any Federal help, Mr.'s Clyburn and Spratt ?? Oh , I forgot . All out taxes went to build a pedestrian walkway on SC State's campus. Two years ago, they used Federal money to move the train tracks around campus. My guess is next year will be a Starbuck's and a Rice -A -Roni style tram so the kids don't have to walk from class to class....

Now for a little fun. After a long search, I found a profile of Sen. Leatherman's early years, thanks to Rudolph' s Shiny New Year. Apparently, the Senator grew up in the Archipelagos of New Year's Past (1776 I believe), where this pic was located. You compare.....

Now..............And Then....

Today's Quote: On Andre Bauer , As Told in "The Terminator"

Kyle Reese: Listen! And understand. That Terminator (Candidate) is out there! It can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with! It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. EVER! Until you(r campaign) is dead!

Andre's coming back from a 20,000 vote deficit in 2 wks on a bum foot is pretty legendary. Running against Andre is beginning to look like the 1993 Phillies bullpen - no lead is safe.

Please tell me that Kyle Reese is no relation to Michael... I see it now........ " I am time traveller , sent from the 1970's to save liberalism from extinction!!" Just kidding, Michael.

Robert Barber....... ENTER THE PIT!!

Drill Sgt. Hartman Tells South Carolina: Get Out and Vote, You Grabastic Pieces of Amphibian S**t!!

I don't know for sure what the actual percentage of people who voted in the primary was, but one thing is for sure - it sucked!! So for a little "motivation" , I've enlisted our good buddy, and major butt-kicker, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman to give a small pep talk for this Tuesday....

Q. What is Your Opinion of People Who Don't Vote?

A. They are Pukes!! They are nothing more than low-life, scum-sucking maggots!! Only two types of people don't vote: Steers and Apathetic Pukes, and I don't see any Steers around the voting boo....

Q. We Got It... How Do You Plan to Get the Vote Out Tomorrow?

A. I'm a Marine, Nancy - we kill everything that we see.....I don't care if it shortd**ks every pygmy in the Congo, I WILL MOTIVATE YOU TO VOTE !!

Q. And If They Don't Vote??

A. Get the Hell out of My Voting Booth!!!! By the way, did you have any brothers or sisters that lived??

For those interested, I believe Sgt. Hartman is a poll watcher at Carver Elementary in Florence tomorrow..........DON'T BE A PUKE - VOTE TOMORROW .

SC6 Movie Review....... Click.

Yesterday, I finally got out to the movies again.. I think the last time I saw a movie in a theater was back in 2004, when I saw "The Notebook" on a blind date. I wasn't planning to go see anything in particular, it was just time to go to the movies..

Well, I watched "Click ", with Adam Sandler and the absolutely luscious Kate Beckinsale. It's a bit of a modern "Its a Wonderful Life", where the basic theme is be careful what you wish for.. Sandler is a mid-level guy at an architecture firm in Manhattan. He works too hard, doesn't have enough time for his kids or his wife ( did I mention Kate Beckinsale is HOT?). Sandler's life is such a mess, he can't even get his remote controls straight.

Adam goes to the Bed, Bath and Beyond and ends up in the back room where he gets a new remote from Christopher Walken ( whom I do a great imitation of). The trick of it is it's a learning remote, so it will start automatically making decisions for him, based on the situation. At work Sandler gets a promise for a promtion by his boss (David Hasselhoff), but he gets screwed out of it. Well, Sandler decides to fast forward to when he gets promoted, and from there, all hell breaks loose. Walken turns out to be the Angel of Death (Nancy Pelosi), and of course, Sandler has to learn some hard lessons - but is it too late?? I won't ruin everything for you.

Overall, it was pretty good, but Sandler is still trying to pull a Jim Carrey and show his acting chops. The middle of the movie gets a little choppy, but it's still worth the admission. That and Kate Beckinsale looks AWESOME in the film... The surrounding cast was probably better than Sandler was (even the kids were great), but it's not a dud......... Now Billy Madison, there's a movie that stunk!!

George Bush Must be Eating a Lot of Lucky Charms, 'Cause He Sounds Like Bono!!

Copy and paste this address: Someone had spliced a slew of speeches by President Bush, and turned them into him reciting all the words to U2's "Sunday, Bloody Sunday". WOW !! I may take a week off from posting so this stays on top... No kidding , this is the funniest thing I've seen all year.......

Just like the old saying goes: All Rock Stars want to be Politicians, and All Politicians want to be Rock Stars!!

http://www.break.com/index/sundaybush.html

The Mexican Mafia Takes a Lake City Bank for $80K - And This Week's Milton!!

** - Not an actual photo..

Once again, we go back to the great town of Lake City for this week's Milton Waddams Award winner. I'm not trying to pick on Lake City - it's just that a lot of stupid things go on there. Note to the town - get your act together, and I'll have no reason to pick on you!

This week's winners are the Carolina Bank branch there. Last week, a group of Mexican men came in to cash their weekly paychecks from South Carolina Prestress in Lake City. While it may not seem unusual for a bunch of guys to come in to cash their checks together, by the time it got to about 100 people, the crew at the bank started to get suspicious.....After all, SC Prestress didn't even have that many employees.

It turns out that these guys were part of a group out of Texas known as the Mexican Mafia, and they made out with over $80k from the bank before they got smart. Apparently, the gang had an elaborate system that duplicated SC Prestress' payroll check to a T. Easy as Pie!!

First off, let me thank the bank for giving me something to shake my head at this week.. Secondly, for those of you who scoff at the idea that Illegal Immigrants are not a problem in South Carolina, you stand corrected. Luckily for the Bank Tellers, there wasn't any kind of incident - which is more than I can say for this little guy!!!

Happy 'Fugees Day........Really!!

Not These Fugees.............................. THESE Fugees....















Believe it or not, today was Refugee Day. Yes apparently we have a day where we remember the 14 million people worldwide who are displaced from their homeland by either famine or war. Of course, that doesn't include the 12 million illegals in the US currently.... You are only a refugee if you don't want to be where you are, and they're quite content in our country.

The good news is that the number of refugees has dropped by 40% in recent years, so I guess we're making progress. Unforunately, there are no big parties planned for Refugee Day, and a National Holiday appears bleak. It's kinda like President's Day, except we still get mail.

Well, enjoy Refugee Day, and try to keep it in your heart all year long - wait that's Christmas........

Sign Number 3 of the Apocalypse: The Allman Brothers on a Menopause Commercial??

Time to load up on the staple goods and canned meats, my friends. The world is no doubt nearing a close, and this is worse than Cynthia McKinney making sense..... Blasphemy has occured in an evil match between daytime TV and the Pharmaceutical Industry.

Let me explain. I'm having lunch in the tech lounge at work, where the only channel that comes in is TV 13, so we're watching Victor and Nikki and the rest of the " Young and the Restless", when it's time for a commercial break. It's about Menopause, so, being a 37 yr old guy, I'm naturally tuning in .. Suddenly, I hear something very familiar........ It's The Allman Brothers' "Blue Sky" in the background!!!

After 35 years and who knows how many albums and concert tickets sold, Gregg and the gang had to sell off a copyright for a commercial about hot flashes and night sweats??!!! They couldn't have possibly done enough heroin to have blown all that cash. It is truly a sad day when arguably the greatest Southern Rock band ever ( I said arguably , Skynyrd Fans..) has to sell out one of their songs to be played during Soap Opera hour...

In the meantime, which tastes better after a Nuclear Holocaust - SPAM or Vienna Sausages ???

Today's Quote .... On Patience.

"Our patience will achieve more than our force.."

- Edmund Burke, Irish Philosopher and Statesman.

"There are two cardinal sins from which all others spring.....Impatience and Laziness."

- Franz Kafka , Russian Philosopher.

"Stay the Course": The Biggest Myth About Iraq....

A brief commentary on today's vote on whether to "Stay the Course" or "Cut and Run". Pay little attention to it - it's all a bunch of typical Washington grandstanding. However, I did think about the term "stay the course" for a minute. This is probably the most inappropriate term possible for describing our troops in Iraq. Ask yourself this: Do we really do anything the same over there as we did 3 years ago??

While the overall goal is the same, they manner in which it has been done is extremely different. Think about the changes in body armor, tactics, Nation building, IED's, Armor Plating and dozens of other aspects. This is the first war against organized terror we've ever had, and I think the progress made and the way our troops have adapted has been remarkable. To put this in terms politicians can understand, you wouldn't tell your opponent your strategy, why would you do that to your soldiers? Hard deadlines only lead to a sense of failure and low morale if they're not met.

Stay the Course ?? You could put it that way, but you'd be wrong.....Enjoy the weekend!

No Offense to the NRCC, But John Spratt Ain't No Wooden Duck !!

" A Yo-Yo ?? Nancy Pelosi will love this !"


I see the NRCC has started a campaign to dethrone some vulnerable Democrat congressmen, and John Spratt is at the top of the list. They even made a cute little decoy duck to pick on the Burgermeister Meisterburger with. I hate to burst Tom Reynolds' bubble, but it will take a lot more than bad props and a cute slogan to oust our droopy-jowled friend.

Spratt has a reputation around the district , that he is a policy and budget wonk. More accurately, at least he can explain those things that Jim Clyburn has such a problem with. Spratt kind of throws numbers around in a dizzying flurry, to the point that you don't know what he's talking about, but you're left with the impression that he MUST be smart. One thing is for sure.... he isn't stupid, and he knows he's in for an all-out assault this year. That's what will make it hard on Ralph Norman .

Florence is split between the 5th District ( about 75% GOP) and the 6th. If Ralph could find his way a couple times, and he puts out a clear, effective message that resonates with the locals, he could find himself about 5,000 votes ahead of where he is now. Most voters don't care that Lindsey , Jim DeMint and Joe Wilson have endorsed him, they want to size him up face-to-face. But the exposure and big lead -time that Raplh has received left too much time for Spratt to counter. Check Droopy Dog's FEC report - he's raised a lot of cash since Norman put his big tally on the board. the money is no longer an issue - they've both raised it. The issue now is shoeleather.

My advice is for Ralph Norman to get out on the road, worry less about the cash, and find those areas that he can convert the conservative Democrats and Middle of the Road Republicans that are tired of Spratt. If we have learned anything this month, it's that cash does not guarantee success.

Milton Waddams Honors The Little Candidates This Week !!

A while back, I wrote a post that inferred that some candidates were wasting voters time. That they had no shot at winning , so why bother? Well, I meant it from the voters point of view, not my own - believe me, candidates don't get any smaller ( and not much shorter ) than me! So today, we honor the little guy/lady who fought through the naysayers , and crossed the finish line on Primary Day.

Yes, for every TRav, there was KWood, and as pretty as Karen Floyd is, Liz Moffly ain't bad either. To Jeff Willis, Mike Ryan, Henry Jordan and William Bell - the Big political machines may not have wanted you there, but thanks for not listening, for getting out there, and giving it your best! For you, goes the ultimate in rewards...........

A Red Swingline Stapler........ And Our Respect.

The BMW 745I : The Preferred Ride of School District Bureaucrats Everywhere...

For those of you who don't know, I work at a car dealership - not a standard job for a County Council candidate, but that's the whole point. Every day, I assist a lot of very well off people: Doctors, Attorneys, Businesspeople - Men and Women who have gone out in the private world and made their mark. I might envy them sometimes, but I respect them for succeeding in the world better than I have. However, I've started to notice a trend that raises a red flag in my mind: The Number of School District Administrators and Principals driving BMW's and Mercedes-Benz's.

Above you see the BMW 745LI, and it seems pretty popular among the School crowd. The price of that car is about $80,000. While you might want to say "It's his/her money, let them do what they want with it", keep in mind - YOU PAID FOR THAT CAR. Hey, normally I'd let it slide, but when I hear the same people complain that they are squeezing the budget as tight as possible, then they hop in a 500 SEL, I think, "What example are they setting?" It may not be a huge fix, but how many books , pens, toilet paper and things Administrators say they are lacking would an eliminated position or no pay raise buy? I have a new slogan: "Fire an Administrator, Hire 3 Teachers: Do the Math".










I read a Press Release from Jim Clyburn, where he was upset that someone criticized how many expensive cars were outside his office. "What does what car I drive have to do with anything" was Jim's response. Well Jackson, when your salary is paid for by tax dollars, you spit in the face of every constituent who is driving an 8 year old Nissan Sentra to work at the plant, only to have to drop 25% of it to pay idiots like you so you can lease that new Town Car. Does that clear it up any?

By now, you might be saying, "Mike , are you crazy? You're biting the hand that feeds you." Not really. BMW's and Mercedes-Benz have prepaid service plans, and idiot lights that have to be cleared at the dealer, so they have to come see me..... Hee, hee! That or look at that blinking "CHANGE OIL " light forever. Revenge is sweet.

To a slightly lesser degree, can someone justify how using church donations to let your preacher drive a brand new Lexus honors God? That one bothers me also...

I'm Now a Crawford Red Smurf !! This and Other Post - Post Game Thoughts......

Nothing like a post game show the day after the Primary, right ? Well, I had to help a buddy pick up some countertops at Lowe's - hey, I'm a great guy !! Everyone else has had their roundup, but I'll try to focus more on the races in that forgotten area known as the Pee Dee...
Kris Crawford pulled a bit of a stunner yesterday in the Seat 63 race. It wasn't surprising that he won, but the 20 point margin was a shocker. Kudos to Kris , Becca (aka The Sticker Ripper Upper, not true) and their team - half of whom are probably reading this!! A lot of money was spent by both Kris and Bubby Floyd, but Kris' team just seemed to outwork Bubby in the neighborhoods. Shoeleather is still more valuable than money in local elections, and Kris an the Red Smurf crew put the work in. Pops has his Red Crawford shirt, so we now will join the Smurfs against Steve Calcutt in the Fall.
Philip Lowe had a pretty easy time in defeating Licia Stone, and he'll face Larue Kirby in the General Election. Special thanks goes to Philip for trying to assist a voter who wasn't registered - my Dad!! It's a long story, but thank you Philip, and I look forward to helping out. Pops has a new Voter Registration Application all ready to go!
So, who am I facing? As expected , it will be Al Bradley. He and I were at election Hdqtrs. watching the results ( which took FOREVER!!). I was a good boy, and congratulated Al on his win. However, the results gave me a lot to look forward to. Only about 900 votes were cast, 668 going to Al. Naturally, Al blamed it on the weather in the Morning News ( his third interview this month). That might be a good excuse, but the rain didn't start in Florence til about 500 PM. He was also quoted that he feels very confident about November - good..........
Okay, a word or two about the Statewide races. Yes, Gov. Sanford getting only 65% isn't great, but Tommy Moore has alot of ground to make up. Total votes: Sanford 156K, Moore 80K, and Lovelace 78K. Put in those perspectives, Moore is about 75,000 votes behind Mark right now. And Frank Willis? I'll be easy on him in defeat.. I'm glad he won't be there in November. Democrats in Florence are not going to get excited about voting for Moore or John Spratt this Fall, so I now have one less problem - only 50 other problems left!!
Like Sunny said, Thomas getting 48% was a surprise to me, but there were a ton of undecideds there. And where the heck did Henry Jordan get 18% from? Those guys Upstate must have something odd in the water. Will Andre get the 9 pts from Jordan's people to pass Mike Campbell? - it'll be tough. I've never heard the words used about someone like I did about Bauer this week. Words like " embarrassment" and "Immaturity" over and over. Looks like I misjudged the anti-Andre camp.
Kudos to Bob Staton and Greg Ryberg for dropping out, and not extending the inevitable. Moye isn't going to like this, but Rick Quinn should do the same. I have a feeling that Rick and Thomas are gonna rip each other to shreds if they go at it, and each will look worse when it's over. Making up a 30 pt deficit in two weeks, even with Ryberg's support, is impossible. Like Ryberg said, you can't dispute the numbers.
Well, that wraps it up for tonight... Take tomorrow off, and get back on the campaign trail this weekend. Election Day is only 150 days away!!!

Promises , Promises : Sizing Up My Competition...

In yesterday's Florence Morning News, they had their Election Preview issue , which included profiles and interviews with both of my Democrat opponents. This is the second feature of the other two in the Morning News. I haven't gotten a call yet..

Here's what they're going to do: Create Jobs, Improve and Fund Education, Provide More Services, improve Quality of Life, adn Keep taxes in line..... They forgot a Chicken in Every pot, and 40 Acres and A Mule !!! Actually , keeping taxes low wasn't listed by either of them until the News asked them. Why? Because it ISN'T a priority..

Both Al Bradley and James Archie are administrators from less than stellar school districts. Bradley was Principal at Kingstree High, and Archie was Superintendent of Florence District Four... Yes the same Florence District Four that was one of the original eight plaintiffs in the funding equity suit. These guys' job on Council is to basically fleece as much funding as they can get from the County. And how much do they get currently? About $95 Million per year, not including State and Federal funds. The rest of the County budget? About $35 million. What part of that goes to salaries? Over 78%, which is about 30 points higher than the State average. As a School Board member stated, " I feel like I oversee a giant Job Agency, not a School District."

These guys better run for President, becuase they apparently are overqualified for County Council. But it's not important what you REALLY can do, it's what you SAY you can do. These two sound like they will say anything to get elected. I have a novel idea. No grandiose stories of Irby and Palmetto Streets being paved in gold, where we have to turn away businesses from coming to Florence becuase they don't meet our requirements, and where all our kids end up being Einstein, only better looking. Just being honest, keep your taxes down, and keep all the County agencies accountable to the taxpayers. To work with the public and private sectors to try and attract business and better educate our kids. That and a phone number to call when your street keeps flooding!

It's a part time job ( same as Mayor of Florence, Frank.) - lets stop acting like we're gonna fix everything overnight..... the three of us are just not that smart.

The Courting of Minorities by the GOP: A No-Win Situation ??

Another Lee Bandy article, another time I get mad... Only this time, I'm not upset with Lee. His article in The State about Mark Sanford's effort to acquire the black vote in South Carolina was pretty fair and straight to the point, but a couple quotes really ticked me off.

One of the pundits was Willie Legette, a political science professor at SC State, who questioned Sanford's efforts to court African -Americans. Legette's theory? Sanford is not actually trying to draw blacks to the thought that less government and taxes is a good thing, but that he is solely trying to appease white moderates in the GOP from feeling that they are part of a racist group. All I can say is how stupid are you, Willie?

Actually, I didn't know that since I'm a Republican, I'm a racist. Thanks for clearing that up... I don't know what they are eating or drinking or smoking down there in O'burg, but the racism that spews out of some of the faculty from that school makes me sick. If you are planning on attending a minority college in SC, take my advice: Go to Claflin. The faculty is better. I've met probably 50 graduates there, and I amazed how much smarter they are than State grads, and they don't seem to hate white people . From now, I'm changing the name to S.C Hate.

The thought that African-Americans can only be and will always be Democrats is an arcane idea. As they progress up the corporate ladder, all minorities will have a change of priorities. Concerns of welfare give way to lower taxes, education and personal freedoms. It is a natural course. I invite everyone to seriously look at what is important in their lives, and see how the Republican Party stacks up against it. Many African-Americans are doing that, and it scares the crap out of the Democrats.

And to Dick Harpootlian: Maybe if you understood demographics and advertising better, you would have won back in the 90's. :)

Today's Quote: On Family.......

I've been chatting with Not Very Bright this weekend about Gay Marriage.. Needless to say we disagree. It left me with an urge to post about family, so here are a couple quotes on the subject:




" In every conceivable manner, the family is the link to the past, and the bridge to the future."

- Alex Haley, Author of "Roots".











" The family is the nucleus of civilization."

- Ariel and Will Durant, Historian and Writer.







While they don't clarify their definition of family, it's pretty clear what has sustained civilization for thousands of years and helped it progress.. And if we part from that course, the bridge to our future with be built on a foundation of quicksand... or some other mushy substance - Flubber?

Mike Campbell Gets Zapped with The Malocchio, aka The State Endorsement.

In Italy we have something called the Malocchio , also known as the Evil Eye. It's kind of like a curse, but it's usually temporary. I still do it sometimes during the baseball playoffs, to help my NY Yankees when the chips are down. It really doesn't work, but can you explain
Aaron Boone?? I can...... Malocchio!!

Republicans have thier own form of Malocchio. It's called The State Newspaper Endorsement. Back in 2004, I got the endorsement to run against Jim Clyburn from The State. When it happened, I thought I had scored a major coup.... From Nowhere to Endorsed candidate in just 90 days!! Then reality set in. "Uh , Mike, that's not a good thing for a Republican." It's a bit like finding out you're having a baby - and that Bobby Brown is the father.
Well, Mike Campbell got a major Malocchio this week when Brad and the gang on Shop Rd. gave his candidacy their blessing - or curse. Right now, Campbell's camp are making phone calls across South Carolina, in full damage control mode. After all, SOMEBODY had to get the endorsement, right? I'm sure Mike wasn't really trying to win, it just happened by accident. I think the lack of a Press Release says it all. In short, this is nothing to be proud of.

My guess is Andre Bauer may have just gotten that 50% needed to avoid a runoff - but I'm worried Henry Jordan just zoomed past 10% after The State completely wrote him off ... If The State hates him THAT much, he must be OK!! If Campbell loses, he has a good reason now. I still blame them for losing in 2004. Okay, maybe not!

A Going Away Present for Al-Zarqawi... A Milton.

Just because you get stepped on by Big Brother doesn't mean you don't deserve it sometimes... And the Size 15 EEE width foot that stomped on Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi today was in the shape of a Stinger missle attack in one of his "Safehouses". You know, you should always speak good of the dead. Al-Zarqawi is dead........GOOD!

Of course, the fight continues, but this was a good day for us, Iraq and the fight against terror as a whole. Those who believe that God rewards those who kill in his name took a huge blow today. If anyone wants to take his spot, they will likely have the same fate, both here on Earth and afterwards. Yes, rejoicing over the death of someone isn't very Christian, but we'd never be here if terror groups hadn't decided that a unified Iraq was a bad idea.

Like all other Milton winners, Abu will get his red, Swingline stapler. I just need a drill long enough to reach the deepest most bowels of Hell. Enjoy the weekend, get ready for Super Tuesday, and keep working on those TPS reports!