What do you do when your business hinges on kids wanting to go there against their parents will, even at the expense of making them eat inedible pizza? Common sense would dictate - we don't know - that maybe you make better pizza.. Not to the wizards at Chuck E. Cheese. Their theory is that the only problem is the wrapper that holds that crap is not palatable enough.. That is, as long as the kids think it's cool to be there, who cares what the food tastes like? And the easiest way to fix that is to update Chuck E. Cheese himself!
Yep, Chuck E. isn't hip enough.. So, they've decided to Disney-ise him: make him look more like one of the Chipmunks, slap on a surf-dick shirt, and have him straddle a Gibson Les Paul Jr.. With three fingers, we can only assume all he'll be able to play is Black Sabbath. Still, we suppose it IS an upgrade....
Seriously, look at this pathetic piece of shit..... His tongue's hanging out, he's got a 'C' cap on, like you're expecting him to yell 'Franks and Beans!! Franks and Beans!!' like Warren from There's Something About Mary .... Tell us that you can't picture Adam Sandler voicing this thing?? Worst of all, he appears intoxicated. We saw this look once before: we were nine, and at my Cousin Donna's wedding, her dad (who was divorced) brought his best friend as a guest to the reception... Two hours later, he was blown out - and he decked his buddy near the dance floor....
Of course, it's more likely that Chuck E. would get decked - by anyone in the place. Luckily for us, we have never even set foot in a Chuck E. Cheese... That's perhaps the best thing about not having kids - you get to avoid places like this, but we've heard it's torture for adults!
Will it all work for Chuck E. Cheese Inc.? We doubt it. It didn't work for Mr. Peanut when he dropped the cane and the monicle (what were they thinking?), and we'd expect the same. The only way they could become cool is if they changed the mascot and renamed it Chuck D. Cheese - then again, even Public Enemy is over the hill....
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3 comments:
He's a member of Ratt.
Mikey--I will be glad to have you join me at Chuck E Cheese the next time I take the grandkids. I would suggest taking a Prozac and a Lorocet before hand though. Have to admit as bad as Chuck E Cheese is it still beats Dave and Buster's, where the food is worse (and more expensive) and you have drunk adults acting like hyper-active kids on a sugar high. Suddenly Sunday at McDonald's with its playground doesn't look so bad..teg
Bruh
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