(AP-Orangeburg) - The political world was rocked when it was revealed today that 6th District Congressman James Clyburn (D-Wherever it best suits him - Sumter, Columbia, Santee) is not an actual person, but a preprogrammed robot developed years ago by the Democratic Party to spout partisan talking points for his party...
The revelation stemmed from a recent event by the Orangeburg Rotary Club, where Congressman Clyburn was a featured speaker. Things seemed to be going normally for Clyburn, where he pushed his skills for pushing up our National Debt by repeatedly hawking for earmarks and tax increases. However, problems arose when he started taking questions. Apparently, Clyburn mistakenly took the Q&A session as a game of softball in a town where he is literally bronzed - but he misjudged and a fatal flaw in him was exposed...
The former House Majority Whip, who has been reduced to Nancy Pelosi's lap dog in recent years, took a question from former Lt. Governor candidate and newly minted SCGOP 6th District Chairman, Bill Connor. Connor commented that the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff noted that America's greatest security risk is it's National Debt. He then asked Clyburn with him talking about endless spending, what plans did the Congressman have for reducing America's debt... Suddenly, Clyburn seemed to short circuit in every way.
The Congressman gave a monotoned 'We...must....tax....the Rich.....and ...... Wall Street.... must .....pay.... their fair share". He then seemed to freelance a bit more and stated Congress should 'Amortize the Debt' so it's not an immediate problem. By 'amortizing', Clyburn meant to PUSH BACK paying off the debt to future years - and generations. Suddenly and stunningly, Clyburn began to smoke and spin around in circles, arms flailing and repeating 'amortize....amortize....amortize' over and over again - until he finally partially caught on fire and shorted out. This public fiasco forced the Democratic Party to admit the scam that has been played on South Carolina for the past 41 years...
A DNC insider, who wished to remain a figment of our imagination, laid out the entire scheme. It seems Clyburn is a Cyberdyne T-22, which was a crude cyborg prototype , approximately five models before the T-100 used in the original Terminator film, and a precursor to Lee Majors' 'Six Million Dollar Man' in the mid-70's.... Essentially, Clyburn is a Human-Cyborg hybrid, where an actual human's brain was replaced with a preprogrammed computer to give standard Democratic answers to all questions. According to the fake source, the plan was part of an agreement between the DNC and former Governor John West. The deal was simple: West finds a guinea pig for the implant, and he recieved an Ambassadorship. Enter Jim Clyburn - Superborg!
At the time, it seemed like a great idea, but as the source revealed, there were fatal flaws that would rear it's ugly head in time... 'You see, this was 1971 - computers were total pieces of shit! The implant Clyburn got was only a receiving and response program. That is, his brain was given only a set list of questions and standard answers. Learning software wasn't developed then, so he's kinda like Emilio Estevez's jock character in 'The Breakfast Club' - he can't think for himself.' For decades, it has been hidden by limiting Clyburn's appearances to crowds with the IQ's of a TV informercial audience (Clap, Look Surprised, Shake Your Head in Approval and Mouth 'WOW!!), but the occasional exposure of this had been seen in previous sporadic events. Our source admitted 'To be honest, I thought this would have been figured out decades ago. How those morons at MSNBC never noticed is beyond me'.
Since the recent event, Clyburn has been kept out of sight, his future uncertain. Normally, a broken computer (note, we didn't say Supercomputer) would simply just go to the local Best Buy for an upgrade, but even the DNC knows that the American public won't stand for this. So, it appears we'll have two more years of Clyburn's binary chip following orders from his CPU to 'vote Yes or No, Jim'.... It's simple science - Input Garbage, Output Garbage.
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1 comment:
LOLROFLMAO--the sad thing is the updated 2.0 version is called Mignon...teg
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