The Bachelor Picks Vienna to Be His Bride Over Tenley.....
I'll admit it.. I watched most of 'The Bachelor' this Winter. I do have reason you might find legitimate - I haven't been able to leave the house since November, it's been so cold. But, it was also a good opportunity for quality time with the family. Besides, a guy can only watch so much 'Pass Time' beofre he starts guessing quarter-mile times for a '67 Camaro within .00003 seconds....
I will address your first thought - no, it's not gay to watch 'The Bachelor'. Watching 'The Bachelorette' is a bit more queer. In fact, I submit to you that watching 'The Bachelor' is actually one of the most hetero things a man can do. Seriously, there are 25 hotties on every week, making total sluts and asses out of themselves for this guy! As far as basic TV goes, that's as good as it's going to get....
Anyway, you can probably tell that I'm pissed that Jake picked a girl named after either 1) the capital of Austria, or the more likely, given her upbringing 2) A Canned Sausage... I was a big Tenley fan. She was cute, with a fabulous ass, great hair, a squeaky voice, and just enough goofiness to make you seriously wonder if she was borderline crazy - just like I like 'em! Seriously, I'd give up Red Meat for Tenley. But she had the one curse - she was TOO NICE... A lot of guys like their chicks a bit slutty, and if your dick was picking a girl, it would go for Vienna. As Carol put it bluntly, "You know there won't be any Hair Tugging going on with Tenley". Now you know why I hang with Carol.....
Jake's family must be kicking themselves right now... They had Vienna on the ropes, and they let her off. Like the saying goes, you don't marry a man/woman, you marry a family... Not to diss Vienna's kin, but Jake has about as much in common with Vienna's family as I do with Paris Hilton... But, Jake let his brain drop just below his beltline, and his family, who absolutely LOVED Tenley, let him do it. But, I'll cut him some slack too - I once picked wrong girl too. However, you can always get a Mulligan, which reminds me - I'm going Tandem Bungee Jumping with Anne Hathaway next week...... Wish me luck!
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6 comments:
Listen...Jake intentionally picked a girl that looks a little manish and who pisses his mom off b/c it will make it that much easier for his mom to accept his coming out after he and Vienna break up.
Tenley's voice was like Olive Oil holding her nose after sucking two ballons of helium. The best one was Corrie. She was the most normal and was pretty without looking like a total slut. Being normal, she never professed love and devotion to him or threw herself at him, so she did not last.
As a long time Bachelor fan, I will tell everyone a tip. The next to last episode (not including the Women Tell All) is always the one with the three women and the fantasy suites. It's basically a ho-a-thon with a winner take all mentality. Whoever puts the sexin' on the guy the best wins. And there was not question once Vienna slipped into the bathroom to change into her special nightie that she was out to win. Jake strikes me as the type of guy who hasn't had a whole lot partners and Vienna is just the opposite. That former Hooters girl/topless model/3-week divorcee was like Sunshine from Harlem Nights. Jake basically ignored his momma that shit was so good.
Having said all that, can we create a new category of sex: The Bachelor Bringin it to Win Fantasy Suite Sex. I'd like to get some of that action...
Listen...Jake intentionally picked a girl that looks a little manish and who pisses his mom off b/c it will make it that much easier for his mom to accept his coming out after he and Vienna break up.
Tenley's voice was like Olive Oil holding her nose after sucking two ballons of helium. The best one was Corrie. She was the most normal and was pretty without looking like a total slut. Being normal, she never professed love and devotion to him or threw herself at him, so she did not last.
As a long time Bachelor fan, I will tell everyone a tip. The next to last episode (not including the Women Tell All) is always the one with the three women and the fantasy suites. It's basically a ho-a-thon with a winner take all mentality. Whoever puts the sexin' on the guy the best wins. And there was not question once Vienna slipped into the bathroom to change into her special nightie that she was out to win. Jake strikes me as the type of guy who hasn't had a whole lot partners and Vienna is just the opposite. That former Hooters girl/topless model/3-week divorcee was like Sunshine from Harlem Nights. Jake basically ignored his momma that shit was so good.
Having said all that, can we create a new category of sex: The Bachelor Bringin it to Win Fantasy Suite Sex. I'd like to get some of that action...
I knew talking about The Bachelor would flsuh you out of the woods, but did you have to comment THREE TIMES ??!!! ;)
My Droid was acting up. I would say sorry, but I know you're just gonna count those as extra traffic, so cheers!
OK Maybe not Jake...
Mike, you'd hit it with any of that harem, at least once...
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