It Wouldn't Be Fun Without a Kook In a General Outfit , Would It?
We're going to try a new Top Ten here .... The thought came to us during a rather dull moment at work, and for once, the ADD didn't wipe it out before we got home. It's not easy being on top - ask Nikki Haley. Uhh, by that we mean she now knows what it's like being in the lead. Everyone comes after you, and friends aren't easy to come by. With that in mind, we give you SC6's first every ranking of America's Enemies. Some are no surprise, and others might surprise you as well. As usual, feel free to comment about how wrong we are!
1. China
No doubt the Red Menace that is 1.3 billion strong is coming to ruin America. If it's not cheap slave labor, it's inferior low priced products that eventually will kill our manufacturing base, and rot the brain of every kid in the US. It's like Mexico on steroids, except they're far enough away that it's too hard to come here, so they have to flat out defeat us..... and they juts might.
2. Russia
George Bush was wrong when he looked in Vladimir Putin's eyes. Putin is the KGB, and for those of you who thought Russia would fully embrace capitalism, the answer is 'Nyet'. Whether it's invading South Ossetia in Georgia, or strongarming the Ukraine's Natural Gas and oil, Moscow has spent the past few years positioning itself to re-enter the superpower club. No, they'll be much weaker than during the Cold War, but thye're not going to be fun to deal with...
3. United States
You shouldn't be surprised at all to see this here... Like the Lit song says, we are our own worst enemy - most of the time. Ever since America was founded, it's leaders have worried that we would die by our on hand, and not another country's. From Adams to Jefferson to Lincoln, that was the big fear. That seems to be lost upon us in arrogance this past century, and therein lies the problem. Yes, I think this administration is accelerating the pace of failure, along with the GOP's help during the Bush years. The good news is that we are strong enough to independently right our own ship, but wholesale changes need to be made in DC - not matter which party is in charge.
4. Iran
Some countries are unstable, some are toying with nukes, some have us by the gonads with oil - but Iran is the only one with all three. The synergistic effect of these problems will make dealing with Tehran and the mullahs - oh yeah, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - very hard over the next decade or so. The frustrating part is how good a friend Iran could be if conservative/radical Islam were out of power there. Pray for a Green Revolution...
5. Pakistan
Pop quiz...... What country get billions of dollars a year in aid from us, and pretty much hates our guts? Good guess. Yeah, they're a little better, but I often wonder what the world would be like if we sprayed Fart Gas on Waziristan to clear out the area, then flattened the place to Kingdom Come.. Pakistan was part of India, but the two should never be confused for each other. India likes Western culture, Pakistan hates us like few other countries do. if they were less backward, we would be in real trouble here..
6. North Korea
Today's algebra lesson #1: Iran - Oil = North Korea. Kim Jong Il would eat dogshit to be considered as dangerous as Ahmadinejad, but he's trying real hard, isn't he. Every once in a while, they'll pop off a dud nuke like it's the 4th of July, and sink a South Korean fishing boat. But, until they can screw with Japan, they're still your crazy cousin who you find kinda funny - until he goes postal at the family reunion. For now, unless you're waiting on parts for your Kia, there's not a lot to worry about. Yet....
7. Mexico
Time for me to sound xenophobic here, but imagine if the Mexican border were like the Canadian border? Only parents on South Park hate Canada, but the fact is Mexico is a giant suck on the US economy. Yeah, we do need some of them to do the work that we find menial and beneath us, but between having to guard a 1500 mile border, the millions of workers doing higher end jobs off the books, and the violent drug war that the US is having to train Mexico to fight, we end up throwing (not necessarily wasting) away down there....
8. Venezuela
Algebra equation #2: Iran - Nukes = Venezuela. Hugo Chavez is like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Lite. He hangs out in the rain forest, chomping on coca leaves all day, and thinks of ways to piss off the US by using Oil as a carrot. If Venezuela had a leader like Alphonse Simms in Moon Over Parador, we'd be in good shape. This appears to be a situation like Nicaragua, where we'll have to wait for Chavez to die or be ousted before better days come..
9. Indonesia
Some of you may not be aware of this, but Indonesia is a hotbed of Al-Qaeda activity. It's a rare Muslim country in the Pacific Rim, where anything goes, so it's easy for radical Islam to find a friendly, out-of the way spot. I just edged them out over Somalia, because of the length of reach to attack America. Hopefully, they're peaking right now......
10. Iraq
Ahhh, the rare case where a country is working their way down the list. Of course, there's no where to go but down from where Iraq was. Yes, Iraq is safer for America, now that we are leaving like we said we would. However, a lot of work remains, and it will be a huge financial drain for America for years to come. Things are better now, but that even America knows Hope and Change fades quickly - then who will they blame?
It used to be that countries like France, Germany and Libya were our most hated rivals. Mostly, it was over pitty-pat BS. Obviously, we live in a much different world now. Resources, jobs and nucler arms capability have changed the game forever. There'll always be Top Ten Enemies List, but maybe we can downgrade the reasons why. I look forward to the day when we rank France Number 1 for being a bunch of rude pricks....
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