Reino Campaign Reduced to Begging for Donations and Table Scraps!!

(AP) - Florence, SC
by Soyun Perdedor
Irrelevant Politics Correspondent

According to GOP insiders, the fundraising woes of Mike Reino have become so desperate, that Reino has resorted to panhandling and scare tactics on the campaign trail. Despite having a virtual lock on the Republican nomination for the 6th Congressional District of South Carolina, Reino has been rebuffed with prejudice in his quest to raise even the $3304 filing fee for the primary June 13th.

Rumblings of financial trouble began to brew two weeks ago, when Reino told the Dorchester County Convention that he was late because he had to park all the other candidates cars. As it turns out, Reino actually was valeting cars outside, where he was almost inconsolable after hearing that no one from the LW Flynn campaign was coming.

Since then, other reports have surfaced. Among them:

1. He was found dumpster diving outside the D&H Barbeque in Manning.
2. He attempted to slip a bill to Ralph Norman for dinner in the amount of $3304 at the Sumter County Convention last week. Norman may have tried to pay the bill, but candidates eat free.
3. Today, Reino showed up at Bubby Floyd's campaign kickoff wearing only a cardboard placard that said, "I Will Wrestle You for Donations". Witnesses said that Reino may have even lunged at Jean Leatherman and growled at her.

When questioned, Reino first began speaking in tongues, then asked for gas money to get back to Charleston. "Hey, times are tough. Getting Gary McLeod out of the race isn't enough for the money men. Getting 40% of the vote isn't enough. It's really sad that we can't get decent funding from local citizens." Reino then asked for a bite of my sandwich. "I haven't eaten in two days."

As the final days tick away for filing, real questions abound as to whether Mike Reino will be there. As Reino put it: " Filing Fee? FILING FEE?? I'm worried more about my mortgage April 1st."