Yes, it's finally here - The final installment of Rock Star: Jim Clyburn ! Tommy Lee, Kurt Loder and James Carville have all done their jobs, now it is up to Jim himself to pick his newest intern. Jim and his close buddy Bono are tuning up, so let's pass it on to our lovely hostess, Brooke Burke !!
Brooke: Hi, and welcome to Rock Star: Jim Clyburn... After two grueling rounds, at least for me, Todd and Ja'Ron have made it to the Finals, where one of them will win a dream job: the chance to be a lackey intern for the House Majority Whipmaster. The duties are tough; gassing up the tank on Jim's taxpayer-paid Lincoln, repeatedly lying to constituents about the congressmen's voting record, and running to Starbuck's for Jim's favorite: the Half-Calf Decaf Double Mochaccino Latte'. Don't ask me to say it again!!
Since we are in the Finals, we don't have a reward round - but we have a special treat for you. A live duet with Jim Clyburn, and his favorite artist, Bono from U2!!
Jim: Thanks Brooke, and may I say - You Are BANGING!!
Brooke: Uh, thanks Jim.... Bono, what made you appear here?
Bono: Well, a major focus of mine has been relieving the debt of Third World countries, and Jim has been very supportive of helping out countries in Africa and the Caribbean.
Brooke: Hey Jim.. By just writing off this debt, don't we eventually worsen our own debt, and saddle our children's future??
Jim: Uh.......Maybe.
Brooke: Just asking. Well, here they are ...... Bono and J Cly , with their own version of Still haven't Found What I'm looking For..........
Bono: I have climbed highest mountains, I have run through the fields, only to be with you, only to be with you..........
Jim: I have kissed Nancy's bum, I lie to Seniors, 'cause they're dumb, just keep believing me, just keep believing me. And that bridge will get built, 'cause I love that Pork!!
Bono: Hey, that's not how we practiced it!!
Jim: Hey Bono, you talk kinda funny....... do you like Lucky Charms??
Bono: I speak ENGLISH !! What the hell language are you speaking in??
Jim: C'mon Bono, say it.........GET IN MY BELLY !!!! GET IN MY BELLY !!!! I'm J Cly, and I'm a frickin' STAR !!!!
Brooke: Uh, we better take a break here.... Wait a second, and we'll have the final question, and I'll change outfits again... CUT !!!!!
tick, tock....
Brooke: OK, we've locked Bono in a closet for his own protection, and we're ready to ask Todd and Ja'Ron the question which will determine who wins, and who goes home...Ja'Ron will go first.......Jim, the floor is yours.
Jim: Saloma malechem, my brother. Ja'Ron, for 250 years, african americans were held in bondage against their will in slavery by America. Some believe that the descendants of those people are entitled to reparations. An important part of being on staff is knowing your boss' position on an issue.... what is my position on reparations?
Ja'Ron: I read a comment from you on this. You are against reparations in principle..
Jim: Uh......... that ......isn't .........quite........... right.
Ja'Ron: What? I saw it! You're against suing for reparations!!!
Jim: Not exactly, son....
Brooke: I'll need silence here, because the question now goes to Todd - our unemployed former page for Congressman Foley. Todd??
Todd: Lick my salami, Jim.
Jim: What?
Todd: What you said to him....
Jim: I said Saloma melachem, dipshit! Not lick my salami.....
Todd: Sorry.....Well, Jim would gladly sue the United States of America for reparations, but who gets what would be a big mess. So the correct answer would be that he is for reparations, but he plays both sides of the issue....
Brooke: Jim, is that correct???
Jim: DAMMIT................... YES!!!
Brooke: Todd, you are our winner!!!!
Todd: Holy Crap!!
Jim: Holy Crap !!
Brooke: Ja'Ron, please take off your "Hello, my Name Is" sticker and enter the execution chamber.
Ja'Ron: What??
Brooke: Rules are Rules, Ja'Ron !
Todd: Thanks, Brooke. Now I can eat again!!
Ja'Ron: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Brooke: That's all the time we have left... Thanks for watching Rock Star: Jim Clyburn!
Todd: Mr. Clyburn, I wanted to ask you a few questions about your stance on Iraq...
Jim: Lord, help me!!
4 comments:
Does anyone have any blog ideas, so I can use more pics of Brooke?
You could out her as Earl's first wife... Ty would really get steamed.
Call me.
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