Best Pizza in the South, and other Oxymorons....

They say write what you know about. I'll leave the Barbeque and Gizzards to other bloggers, but no one can beat my well-trained taste buds on Italian food and Pizza. Mom taught me to make Chicken Parmigiana when I was 7. Sure maybe tying my shoes would have been more practical, but that's what double-knots are for..... First. What Good Pizza Should be Like. This is not up for discussion - no alternative viewpoints are accepted. I am talking about Mulberry Street pizza made by a half-filthy guy named Vito!! Here are the characteristics: 1. Relatively Thin, Slightly Crispy Crust. Deep Dish is wrong, and crust that breaks like Wheat Thins is illegal. If you are tossing the ends out, you had bad crust. If you hear a slight crunch when you put the pizza cutter on it, jackpot! 2. Olive Oil When you fold it, oil should be dripping out the back. It's not a mistake - that's the way it ought to be. Just point the end away from you, and your clothes are safe. 3. Keep it Simple Real pizza is not experimental art. The man who invented Hawaiian Pizza should have the pineapple ring placed on his chest, so the firing squad has a target! Two toppings, maybe. Best rule - if you can't eat it plain, your pizza stinks! Who's Hot, Who's Not.... The Chains. Worst: Chuck E. Cheese: Chuck E. Please, Upchuck E. Cheese , Chuck E. Sleaze - I've heard 'em all. Only juvenile offenders should be forced to eat here as punishment. But who cares, as long as the kids keep pumping money into the video games...New suggested name: Time Out Pizza. Still Pretty Bad: Little Caesar's. Bad, bad!! I'd eat a Tombstone or Bi-Lo pizza first. Paper crust, wretched sauce, and inexplicable toppings. Let's move on, I'm feeling ill. Ehhhhhh: Domino's and Papa John's. Something just doesn't taste right on these two. Also, they are super cheap on the toppings. If pizza were Ice Cream, they'd be Prailines and D.., just kidding - they'd be Vanilla. Best by Default: Pizza Hut. Hey, someone had to win... at least they put a ton of stuff on it. The crust is a little greasier too - makes it easier to force it down. The Upper Crust: The Local Joints. Worst Pizza Ever: Santino's - Aynor, SC. The instrument has yet to be invented to measure how bad this mess is. The dough looked like it was made with Pillsbury crescent rolls. My wife and I got a divorce after eating here, because neither of us could be with someone who had something that disgusting in their mouth. When in Aynor, go around the corner and get a Nedburger - and live another day. Best in Florence: Primo Pizza, Magnolia Mall. It's okay, but the it's the best in a weak market. Stefano's has excellent Italian food, but the pizza is iffy. Michael's food needs help, plus he's a former Democratic Party chair. Best in Charleston: Andolini's. Pretty close, just not enough oil, but your Yankee friends won't complain. Bada Bing is decent, but they lose points for the cliche mafia pics in the dining room. A note to them: Scarface was Cuban, not Italian! Second Place: Johnny Brusco's, Johnson City , TN. I didn't believe it myself, but it was good. They are a franchise based in Hotlanta, so they could be near you too. If you're ever in the Tri-Cities, check it out. Disclaimer *** - Franchise pizza varies from store to store, therefore results may be unequal at other locations. Best in the South: ??????????? This is anti-climatic, but I don't remember the name. But I can tell you where it is. It is in Conway, SC, on Hwy 501, inside the Food Lion shopping center, across from Hadwin White GM. I used to stop there in my Enterprise days, and it is by far, the closest to the real thing around. If you're on the way to Myrtle Beach, give it a try. If you have any ones to recommend, go ahead and post it . And remember, pizza is like love - when it's good, it's real good. and when it's bad............it's still pretty good.