Welcome to the opening round of Rock Star: Jim Clyburn! Our four contestants are here, waiting for the first elimination. As you know, the winner will have an opportunity of a lifetime - to be an intern for Whipmaster Jim Clyburn, where he/she will get to pick up lunch or coffee for the staff, and to check the mail for Anthrax.
Congressman Clyburn is not here with us, but guest pa
nelists James Carville and Tommy Lee are here, as well as our hostess, Brooke Burke...
See..........
My God , she is smokin'..........
Anyway, back to the action. The first challenge awaits. As you know, a major job is to sniff out any and all enemies of a Congressman, and to find dirt on them. I'm pretty high on the Whipmaster's list, so our first job is to out the most illusive of my blog buddies - the wily West Rhino. Amy, Destiny, Ja'Ron and Todd - GO GET 'EM !!
(tick , tock, tick, tock)......
Brooke, take it from here.....
Brooke: Ok Amy, who is the Rhino?
Amy: Well, I crossreferenced all of the transmissions between SC6's posts, and I attempted to backtrack the source of the posts... and after calling some secret connections I know at the FCC.........I have NO IDEA.
Brooke: Too Bad.. Destiny, who is the Rhino?
Destiny: Well, you see... I was getting ready to check.. Then I ran into Tommy Lee in the dressing room.... and the next thing I know, time was up.
Brooke: Back to Hooters, Destiny! Todd, any idea??
Todd: Well, I drove to the Zoo in West Columbia, and I went to the Rhino cage, and I asked him what his name was, and I swear, he made no sense whatsoever!! What the heck is PPFFFFTT!!!
Brooke: God help us! Ja'Ron, please ... To give us any hope for America's future, can you name the West Rhino??
Ja'Ron: Yeah, it's Don __________.
Brooke: Great Googly Moogly!! That's right! How did you find out?
J'Ron: I asked Cyndi Mosteller. DUUUHHHH!!
Brooke: Congrats, JaRon. You win a pass to the next round. First, let me change outfits.
Brooke: There... That's more like it. Uh, is anyone else in here a little COLD???? Anyway, we now have the Elimination Round. Each contestant will be asked a question by our guest panelist or myself. If you get it wrong , you will be eliminated unless someone gets it wrong. Ok, first up is Todd, because he was the biggest idiot so far. Todd, I will ask the question. What is the legal minimum age for a Congressional page?
Todd: Oh, I know that one, because I met Congressman Foley when I was 15, and I told him I wanted to be a page, and he said, "Uh Not until you're 16, Sugarbritches!!!" So it's 16.
Brooke: Absolutely right, Sugarbritches.... I mean Todd! You will continue on... Destiny, it's your turn. Your question will be given by guest panelist Tommy Lee...
Tommy: Uh, cool...... Hey, babe... uh....... my question is....... how big am I?
Destiny: I know ____________ !!!!
Brooke: Like who doesn't know that!! I remember back in the 90's , I met Tommy at the Rainbow Club, and.....
Tommy: Hey Brooke, I was married back then!!!
Brooke: Whatever.. Ok, that leaves it up to our resident Republican, Amy. Sweetie your question will be asked by Democratic Strategist James Carville.. James , what is your question?
Carville: Well Brunk, the questin iddint what da questin id, buh whuh da questin iddin't. Hnuh, Hnuh?? Ya see, back in Nona-two, Bill Clin-tone axed me what da mose im-potent issya id... An I says tah him, " It da E-cono-me , Stoopit"!! Hnuh, Hnuh!
Amy: I think I'm in trouble....
Brooke: How does Mary Matalin put up with you? Ask the question, Mushmouth!
James: EZ dere, Hot Pants! ok, nah, A-mee..... Name all da fo hunnert thorty fai membuh o' da upcomin' House O' Repuh-zenda-tiffs!
Amy: Are you kidding? Brooke, he's kidding , right??
Brooke: He gets to pick the question..... You have thirty seconds....(tick, tock, tick , tock).
Amy: Uh... Clyburn, Pelosi, Hoyer, Boehnert, Blunt, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!! Pence, Spratt, Rangel, Murtha, Brown, Brown, Brown...
Brooke: 3....2....1....
Amy: KELLY CLARKSON !!!!!!!
Brooke: ZERO! I'm sorry, Amy. Please take off your "Hello, my Name Is" sticker , and quickly proceed to the Execution Chamber....
Amy: WHAT??!!!!!!
Brooke: Well, that leaves us with only three contestants left...
Amy: AAAARRRRGGHHH!!!!
Brooke: Come back next week for the Semifinals of Rock Star: Jim Clyburn!!! Until then, here's something for you to think about.....
God Bless America !!
7 comments:
Gotta up the ante, a date with Nina Hartley (no relations with Dr. Mark that we know of) might be one option for a member of that cabal to divest the name, but tree frogs and ground squirrels have their secrets.
BTW, the Black Rhino is an interesting species.
I was just letting Rhino know that after 6 months of posting, I finally found out who he was. I had guessed everyone fom Chip to Rocky D! If he wants to stay anon, I won't tell.
Chip... Lays, Campsen or Limehouse?
How about outing the democrats
Hey Kanye, how is that job working for Kim Jong Il going so far?
WR is the number uno.
WR is the number uno.
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