Good day, reality TV fans, and welcome to Rock Star: Jim Clyburn. As you can see above, Jim is showing a minister the proper hand positions for driving - 10 and 2 o'clock people!! Last week, we said goodbye to our right-leaning intern candidate, Amy. Unfortunately, she is no longer with us....... Next time , read the fine print, Amy! Well, let's not waste any time, I'm going to send it to our hostess with the mostest, Brooke Burke !!
Brooke: Hello, and welcome to Rock Star: Jim Clyburn.. Our remaining three contestants are chomping at the bit to win our coveted internship for House Majority Whipmaster, Jim Clyburn.... where they can look forward to picking up Jim's dry cleaning, taste testing his food, and taking the blame when Jim forgets to list important business partnerships on his disclosure statements for four years.
Today's immunity challenge is a little different. Keeping in the spirit of Rock Star, our contestants will need to perform a song for us, but it MUST keep with the key tenants of Clyburn's policies: whatever they are!! You have 5 minutes to write it....
(tick, tock, tick, tock).....
Brooke: That's much better... Clothes can be so restricting, don'tcha think?? Ok Destiny, you're first up - what do you have?
Destiny: I'm gonna perform my lyrics to Britney Spears' Oops, I Did It Again......
Brooke: Great ! The last thing I ever would expect is a waitress from Hooters is for her to sing bubble gum music..... This oughta be good.
Destiny: oops, i'm building a bridge. The other white meat, just playing the game - oh baby, baby.
oops, you think I'm so smart, just like a fart... i'm not that intelligent!!
Brooke: I'm stunned, Destiny.... No doubt Bob Dylan and Bono are shaking in their boots right now!! Well, we'll see if it holds up. Todd, you're up. Please don't tell me you're gonna do an 'N Sync song!
Todd: Brooke, please, they are SOOOOOOO 2003!! I'm going Old School! I'm going to sing to Percy Sledge' s When a Man Loves a Woman... Hit it, Ringo !!
When a Man Loves an Earmark, He can't do no wrong. Turn his back on every concept of sensible spending if they put it down.
He gives up all his senses, calls everyone a racist... If they dare complain about it.....
Brooke: OK, OK!! That's about all I can stand...We get the point! All I can say is Mark Foley must have been wearing earplugs when you worked in his office!! Ja'Ron, please help us here.
Ja'Ron: All I gotta say is Y'all Suck, Hardcore!! I was going to sing to Mike Jones, but I don't think you guys can handle it, so i'll do Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise instead.....
As I walk thru the House I deliver the pain, you take a look my bills and realize that i'm insane. Power-spending money, money spending power , gimme money for a minute- I'll spend it for an hour!
You'll spend half your life paying off our Liberal Paradise, Go ahead insult my wife, I'm stuck in a Liberal's Paradise.....
Brooke: Ahem, would it be a little insulting to say i'm a bit disapppointed? Well, someone has to win. For our decision, we go to the expert. Tommy Lee is missing in action right now, along with Destiny again, so we go to smarmy MTV News fossil, Kurt Loder!!
Kurt: this really doesn't matter..... What, with genocide in Darfur, the Worldwide AIDS epidemic, and........
Brooke: Silence, Geek Boy!! No cares what you think! Just pick one!!
Kurt: Uh..... Ja'Ron, I guess.
Brooke: congrats, Ja'Ron, once again, you get a free pass to the Final Round.... coming up next, one of our contestants goes home, and I change outfits !!
Brooke: I can't believe more people read FITS and LaurinLine than this blog... look at me!! Tommy Lee is back, along with James Carville to ask the final question. Tommy Lee, you're up first... Ask Destiny her question....
Tommy: In a minute... Brooke , I think I dropped my keys by your feet, can you feel around for them???
Brooke: Bite me, Tommy!
Tommy: Ok, Ok...... Hey babe, uh..... my question this time is.......uh.. What are the top items sold at Hooters??
Brooke: C'mon, tommy, she works there!
Tommy: That ain't the ONLY place she's been workin'!
Destiny: uh, I don't know... You see, I lied. I'm only the hostess, so I don't know the menu yet!!
Carville: well, ad muss ad I respett a liar in politickin' , I'm afeared you lose, sweetie!
Brooke: Well Todd, you get the same question: name the top items at Hooters.
Todd: I know that! You see, I once went there with Rep. Foley, and boy was he MAD!! He said he never wanted to go to a place with girls in skimpy outfits again!! That, and he got gas from the Buffalo Wings and Beer, so i'll say Beer and Wings!
Brooke: You are right! Todd, you've made it to the finals!! Destiny, please take off your "Hello, My Name is .." sticker and get into the execution chamber....
Destiny: Tommy, Save Me !!
Tommy: Honey, i've had Pam Anderson AND Heather Locklear........be real!
Brooke: Well, that wraps up another Rock Star: Jim Clyburn !!
Destiny: AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!
Brooke: Tune in next week, when Jim himself will be here to pick his next lackey!!
4 comments:
Can hardly wait.
hey, is it really that bad?? I thought the pics of Brooke would be enough to keep interest, but I guess I'm wrong..
No do not stop with the pictures she does look great. I really want to hear what Jim will say.
Did I hear that Michael Richards is coming to do a benefit for Jim as penance? Or was that a fund raiser for Gary...
Post a Comment