Sunday, June 08, 2008

Are You An Effeminate Guy? Am I ??


Uh..... That Is Pretty Queer.
I had this forwarded to me earlier this week. It was listed as a Gay Guy test, but I'll be nice and just call it an Effeminate Guy test. Probably because I usually do one of these things. Try and guess which one of these I do.....
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat....'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably gay.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is yo u might be gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are gay.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
Here's another test....
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6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I get a lot of pussy around my house. Does that make me gay?

Mike Reino said...

No, but that shrine to Cal Ripken and Jo Pa might. Guess that's just 'Man Love'. ;)

Anonymous said...

Mike, you don't have the knees for those green pantyhose... good thing you're not that ghey!

Greeleyville moye said...

the only cat in my yard is the one the dog dragged up

Mike Reino said...

For thos of you wondering, I drive with two hands on ocassion. Not 10 and 2, but more like 12 and 4...

west_rhino said...

Mike, how can you do that and hold your beer?