Friday, April 27, 2012

Like Animals and Small Children, The Elderly Can Sense Evil..

      We have another one of THOSE stories today, but this is different than most.. Why? Because this one actually happened to us!  As history has shown us, mixing myself and elderly people is like oil and water.  Why, we're not exactly sure, but we think it's because when people get older, they become more like little kids.. They often do things that don't have any logic behind it, and there's a sense of obstinance.  You are more used to it with kids, because it's more commonplace, so when you find that elderly person in that place, you rarely see it coming - like I did yesterday.

   I had to travel to Columbia to attend a seminar to help my Dad get VA benefits, which he's never applied for.  He's 87 now, and slowing down fast, but the assisted living home he's at is doing a great job with him. My dad is no picnic to deal with - he has a lot of paranoia, which is what got us into trouble back in 2006, but it's tolerable now.  Anyway, since I was in town, I stopped by to visit him.  I'm standing in the lobby, chatting with Dad,as he's sitting in a chair, when this lady is staring at me.  I mean STARING, as she walks up..

 Seriously, this lady is giving me a 30 second Stinkeye all pissed off looking at me.. So, I say 'Hi' and introduce myself - and she's still staring, saying nothing.... Finally, she says 'I wanna punch you'.  So, I'm like 'why?'  She repeats, "I wanna punch you", and before the nurse comes by - she actually punches me in the arm!  So naturally, I'm rolling on the floor, writhing in pain as I'm speed dialing my attorney... kidding!  My dad tells her that I'm his son, and she says to him 'I wouldn't be too proud of this one if I were you!'... Classic!  That's when Dad dropkicked her - two hits: he hit her, she hit the floor!!!!  Again, kidding...

   I thought this would be the only oddity of the day, but I wasn't done visiting nursing homes, so I was just getting started.. I go to the other place, and it turns out the seminar was canceled, because I was the only one scheduled. Too bad no one called, but I digress.. So, I ask to use the bathroom. As I get out, there's a nice woman in a wheelchair in the hall, near the door.  She says to me, 'Oh, you shut the door!' and I was like why wouldn't I?  She says 'I came by here earlier and this woman was going with the door open.  I asked her what she was doing, and she yelled 'I'm gonna kick the shit out of you when I'm finished here. So of course, I left'.  I decided to quit while I was behind, and hopped in the car immediately..

   To those home health workers, I say this: Kudos to you, they don't pay you enough!



Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO--Mikey what is with you and older women??...teg

Mike Reino said...

Generally, I do well with the older women - it's the daughters I have a problem with!