Who Says Cops Have No Sense of Humor......
That reminds me... I got out of another legal scrape this week, when I got pulle over by a cop for forgetting to attach my license renewal sticker on my tag - for 4 months !! Luckily, I had it in the glovebox. Don't ask... I'm pretty lazy sometimes.
Anyway, I got a list of some of the best insults that teachers and cops have let out in their report cards and giving out tickets. Here we are....
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails toachieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to holdit all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn'tcoming.
10. If this student were any stupider, he'd have to be watered twice aweek.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beatout 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
These 16 were taken off actual police car videos around the country: [these are some mighty 'quick witted' guys!
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you justwent through.'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'llstretch after you wear them awhile.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birthcertificate a worthless document.' 13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 ft/second? Because that's the speedof the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I canwrite anything I want on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't thinkit will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9- 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do thatagain or I'll give you another ticket.'
8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you aredrunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you goto ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkeypoop.'
6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toasteroven.'
5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we'reallowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend ofyours. It's good to know someone who can post your bail.'
1. 'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.........sign here.' [Ouch, that hurt!]
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